FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!

Gentle readers,

The end of a crazy week.  Started with  my new body man setting a car on fire while welding...  The new body guy asked the old body guy if I would be mad!  OMG!  Hells Yea!   He was told no, but that if he did not tell me I sure would. Oh Yea, you have been doing this 30 years!  Hello...Basic welding 101 means No fires!!!!  Never weld after noon in a body shop.  If anything is smoldering, you will know by 5:00.  When my guys weld, they always have water ready.

We painted a big old boat of a classic car bright pink.  Oh yea, Pink.  I ran out into the parking lot before they left to be sure they knew they had picked pink,  PINK.  They said yea, they wanted pink, then I could feel the contact high from the skunk weed inside the car.  FYI, they loved the pink when they picked it up and it took an hour for the skunk weed to dissipate from the front office.  Of course they loved the metallic pink.  The car was worth $50. and they could dump it when things got hot.  That is the makings of a good drug car.

BBB finally got fed up with the Yellow Mustang guy!  That argument has been going on since July.  He is the guy who told me he would make me a laughing stock.  He got nothing, nowhere.  We are the ones laughing at him.  Some people are beyond the realm of normal.

Had to run to the emergency clinic last night....Gilbert, my body man tried to cut off the top of his thumb.  I hate it when they run up front bleeding!  But, he was ok, bot now he is all thumbs.  (sorry, had to do it)

A dear friend of mine, a professor of Sociology at the local large University left his car this morning.  My employees found a Zales bag in his car with a diamond bracelet in it for his wife for Christmas.  The receipt said a grand!  I called him and thanked him for the bracelet and he told me now I know why they call them "Absent Minded Professors"!

I was humbled by my crew and their honesty.  Of course, at the meeting when I thanked them, one guy said he had to wrestle Gilbert to the ground to get the bracelet away from him to turn it in.  All guffawed.

Again, today, a man left a car and on the front seat was several hundred in cash and several checks.  We had to call him to come back and get it.

What is it with the Season of Giving????  Is the stress of covering all the Santa bases too much and everyone becomes brain dead?  What if we were not so Honest and Christian?????

I will tell you what, I would have a very nice diamond bracelet on my arm right now!! 

Love all and God Bless,  do good to all God's Children,  Shangri La  

DANG ME, DANG ME, TAKE A ROPE AND HANG ME....

Bon Jour Mon Ami,  Good Sunday AM.  I am sitting in the kitchen, early, listening to the rain.  I am always so happy when it rains on Sunday and not during the week.  It hurts business.  Speaking of business....

We have a "regular" customer, Mr Hinker.  Mr. Hinker is 80 and has had 3-4 accidents in the last 9 months.  We have fixed his car in the same spot several times.  We have also become very fond of him.  He brings gifts each time he comes.  He said he had to be careful, as his wife gets jealous.  Well, this last accident he paid out of pocket, but lost his licence anyway.  His Dr. had him get tested as part of a physical and he did not pass reaction times.  So, he informed me that driving his car home from my shop would be his last drive.  He then gave me a hug and told me his life was over and he was not a man anymore.   DARN, that is so hard.  I hugged him and told him all the platitudes I could think of.  We have all been there, taking away a licence from an elderly man for their own good, and others, is the hardest thing to do....for everyone.

The phone continues to be a delight to us all up front.  Yesterday, I answered the phone and a lady (elderly and drunk) asked to speak to a police man.  "Mam, I am sorry, you must have misdialed."  Is this bla, bla, bla,.  "Yes it is"  Well, who are you!  "Mam, this is a body shop for cars"  (Laughter, I sure can use some repairs...can you get the phone number for me or connect me?  "No I am sorry I cannot.  Then she hangs up on me!  The temptation to star 69 and hang up back is looming.   

Drama in the back continues....There is drama when we do not have enough to do and there is drama when we have too much.  I have a compulsive talker in the back.  I try real hard to keep him busy.  I am told the compulsive talking is complaining.  I cannot understand what there is for him to complain about, he enjoys everyone he works with, gets the hours he wants and has not made this much money in a long time!!!!  Don't know, Don't get it, Don't want to know, Don't care!

I received an email a couple of weeks ago from a gentleman saying he has a 12" x 18" dent in the roof of the car he just purchased.....how much?  Sir, cannot guess, please bring your car in for a bla bla.  He then wanted to know if we could just pull it out and put in bondo the same color of the car and smooth it out.......He came in and announced to everyone he was an engineer and knew what needed to be done, could do it himself but did not have the time.    He left his car as it was a Saturday.  When body men, etc., came in on Monday it was determined that a tree fell on the car and he needed a new roof.  Peter called him to explain what needed to be done and that against all odds, had found a used roof to cut costs. Mr. Engineer started to cuss and scream that we were x$&())(&##*)_  and %^(++%$@!!@, then hung up on Peter.  We parked his car outside and deemed him a lunatic.  The next day his wife picked up the key and apologized for his behavior.  Sometimes, you just got to let it go.

I have two women working in the back.  They are both excellent and hard workers.  One has been out for two months trying to get a phony workers comp claim through and get money and paid for not working.  The other misses about two days a week, ex husband, sick, son sick, etc. etc. 

Now, I ask you.....I am a woman and work everyday about 10 hours. I do not miss work every time my ex-husband calls.  I used to hate the  competing with men for jobs and equal pay for equal work back in the day.   Felt it was so unfair.  We women worked harder than the men and kept our homes and kids going.  It seems women now want to screw up all that we accomplished for them. 

I will think long and hard about hiring women again, that so sad. 

I have had to change myself quite a bit just to stay in business.  I have to not trust, I am going to start drug testing, require proof of Dr. apts, etc.  TRUST NO ONE!  Be tough, no one's mom, bank for shrink.  Boss and that is it!  It is this or go under.   Most people know when they have it good and work hard.  But many do not and the revolving door keeps going straight to the unemployment office and hours of paperwork for me. 

I cannot find good people and see signs all over town, "Help wanted".  The news says there is record unemployment.  I sat in a restaurant for lunch yesterday, and the TV on the wall just kept flashing advertisements for getting unemployment benefits, even if you have a job making less than you used to. 

I have no comment, I just do my best. 

Monday starts a new week, December.  I just cannot fathom where the year went.  God Bless all.   Shangri La.

JUNK MAIL.................

Bon Jour Mon Ami!  It is all good, almost. 

We are over the four year mark.  Not bad for a small business in troubled times.  Just too much to do everyday.

Let me share with you my most recent thug.  I was running the back, dirty, cold and looking wild with the blond hair flying all over.  I had my borderline goth jewelery and nails on.  My manager, Peter came to get me saying there was nothing he could do with this one.  Gangster did not want to pay for his car.  I was in no mood. 

Me:     Dude, what is your problem?!
Him:   Why you come at me like that? 
Me:     Hey, pay your bill and we have no problem. 
Him:   No!
Me:     Then you cannot have your car,
Him:   Then I will take it,
Me:     Then I will put it inside,
Him:   Then I will steal it,
Me:     Then YOU will go to jail..........glaring at each other for several minutes. 

Arguing begins,  I won't argue, sir, (OMG, please pull up your pants)  You need to pay for your car or I will call the police.  You signed this form, it says the color you wanted all over it, if you wanted a different color, you should have said so then.  He leans over the counter to get in my face and growls, "I will dis God if I want Lady".  I think I was supposed to be scared but just started to laugh and told him, "DUDE, I do not want to be anywhere near your soul when your time comes!"  My employee in the back, Dan, keeps tapping on the window wanting to tell me something. 

Anyway, the police arrived, he paid and hid his face.  Means:  Warrant pending.  But police do not care, no one runs his name because I am the dreaded body shop who rips off all the local gangsters.  I will never get that reputation to go away.  Cop wants to know  why I was in talking to his lieutenant.....why should I tell him and how does he know who I talk to????  I noticed the officer stayed in the parking lot until the young man left.  I did appreciate that.

After everyone left, I asked Dan what he wanted...He wanted to warn me that he knew that guy and he was scary, appeared he had killed a girl once and was never was arrested.  Dan was watching out for me.   I appreciated that, but called the police boyfriend and he followed me home.  I believe, if they do not think they scare you, they will stop trying to be scary.  But, it does not hurt to take precautions.

Thug number two.  He is a really good guy, in reality though, very dangerous, but has been coming in for years, very respectful to me.   He brought in the worst hoopdy I have seen in a while.  My painter said if any one put his name on that car he would deny it.  It was purple and looked like it had the pox.  In comes my guy with two other younger guys.  The contact High from the  skunk weed was.......well, you had to be there.  They were so high, they were in the parking lot going "OOOOOOh....AWWWWWWW....Dude this is so cool. 

They paid, hugged me and left.  We all shared the contact high for an hour.  Lots of fun.

Don't get me wrong, we have had a lot of wonderful people, happy, etc.  One guy came in two days after he picked up and noticed his car was clean.  Wanted to know if he owed money for cleaning.  That was a first.  A truly nice man, but the guys had to tease and state he just wanted a "Bromance with Peter" .

We have a lot of new employees.  I am running the shop again, it is crazy fun.  We are having a half price sale.  I had enough a while back and told everyone I am not their Mom, Shrink or Bank.  I have become the typical jaded owner.  No more nonsense on my watch.  Andy Spumonie would be proud. 

Here's to all who own a small business in Ohio and have to deal with the State like I do.  I hate you government people!  I hope you all get yours someday.

Time to brave the cold and cut bushes.  I have not paid myself in three weeks so I have to do the lawn work at my home myself.  I guess that is not funny is it. Sorry.   I am trying to find it in me to laugh about all this again.  It is coming, I know it will be OK.  Happy Thanksgiving to all and lets start Monday and make some money!!!!!!!  Shangri La.

Here's to owning your own business!!!!!

Good evening kind readers,

It is late on a Friday and I just finished cleaning and prepping a truck for tomorrow in one of my paint booths called London. I named our two paint booths London and Paris.  Even the reps know when I call for service to ask, is it Paris or London.

My painter agreed to paint it in the am on a Sat, for me, God love the man.

I have been very depressed lately, thus, you have not heard much from me.  It is hard to be funny when everything stinks.  I have lost my son, and nothing can make that ok.

So I will give it my best.

We get these calls...I have never talked about the phone calls, just the people who come in.  I get hung up on so many times because I cannot give someone a price on a "dent" over the phone.  "Well, thanks for nothing!!!" click.

Peter did an estimate for a very nice gentleman, a huge discount and he make an apt. for Monday.....today he called, said, "I do not like you people and I won't be there Monday."  CLICK.  What the hell..???  Was it Bi-polar or a bad reaction to alcohol???

I am thinking everyone in the shop needs to spend one half a day on the phones to work in the back.

I had a lady bring her car back today complaining about spots on it.....bug guts..., yes, bug guts.  Oh yes, that is my problem lady.  let me repaint your car!

It was a stress day in the shop.  Man drama to the max.  I did manage to get stuff done,  I just want to tell the GUYS to grow up.   Egos, why did God create them?

So, I continued my conversation, "what is normal"  With my PHD in Psychology friend.  Definition of Normal:  2% variation from the mean.  Ok, I now have several definitions.  I wish I could talk to the College prof of Sociology who first defined "normal" for me.  Is there a normal????  Not here!

 EVERYONE!  have a great weekend.  Shangre La 

Happy Hour!

Good Evening Gentle Readers,

I hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday Night, in moderation of course.   I, as you probably can guess, am home on the comupter.  One can only guess I am too tired to move any part of my body except my fingers.  So, moving, they are.

There appears to be a serious brain illness going around mankind.   It's symptoms are:  stupidity, inconsideration, overblown sense of self worth and a loud mouth.  It seems to be contagious.  I hope and pray a cure is found soon as we are destined, as a society, for the big flush.

We repaired a vehicle for a nasty lady 4 months ago, an insurance repair, and it turned out beautiful considering where she was hit.  There was nothing, even perfection, that would have calmed her healthy mouth.  After several attempts to get her to take her car, I called the insurance agent to look at the car.  He deemed it to be perfect and had no idea what her problem was and his only suggestion was to put her in front of a firing squad.  She came for the last time and my office manager said he would take some money off the deductible she had if she would take her car.  A very pleased look came over her face, she signed all the documents and left. 

Well, Friday at 4:38 she came in and demanded from one of my employees a rental immediately and that the repair be done properly.  She also told my employee she did not want to speak to me.  WELL, now, just how I want to start happy hour........What seems to be the problem.  bla, bla, bla.....Mam, it is 4:50 on a Friday night and you cannot just show up demanding a rental, which by the way I will never pay for.  BLA...BLA...BLA....  I am sorry, (I cannot remember the particulars of the case) you will have to come back when Peter is here and talk to him since he handled your repair.  "I want it fixed now"  Again, mam, You will have to come back.  Peter is on vacation till Thursday.  WHAT IF I NEVER GET TO TALK TO HIM, YOU WON'T FIX MY CAR!!!

Mam, Peter is on vacation, he is not dead!!!!  call next Thursday and make an appointment to see him regarding your car.   AND...HAVE A NICE DAY!  I will not fix one thing on that gal's car!  Ever!!!

I have piles and piles of paper on my desk of work to do.  Why?  What can possibly be so paper intensive about owning a body shop?? 

I have hired a second gal for the back of the shop!  I have two women who work in the shop.  They are both showing up the men, big time.  My new gal is a sander with 7 years experience and works harder, faster and does a better job than her counter part!  Women Power!

It has been four years.  I have an anniversary coming up...That means SALE!  I am thinking of the dreaded Half Price Sale.  Well, it is an anniversary. 

It is eerie......Nothing has broke in the shop lately, I am getting better at handling the scammers, I axed a couple of guys and the drama is less.  Could it be????????

Bon Nuit, Andy, Tony, Durango, Jeff and Gilbert.

Shangri La,   CQ CQ CQ.....calling CQ and listening

We All Live In a Yellow Submarine....

In the time when I was born lived a man who sailed the sea.  And he told us of his life in the land of submarines...

Bon Jour body shop fans and friends.    Hot has been the word of the day for the last month.  Makes work tiring and dirty.  The crew has held up for the most part.  We had a couple of quittings and a hiring.  Core staff still intact.  Lets start a recap of a few customer stories.

Our clientele has changed much in the last few years, but once in a while we still get a real life thug with a throw away drug car.  (by the way, we do have a car in shop with a bullet hole in the right rear door that we are repairing.)  The thug was the young gentleman who could not count his money in the last post.  In an effort to get some money back, bless his little heart, he called and started to call me unprofessional, and other names.  I told him I would not discuss his two tone disco  ball car with him unless he brought it back.  So, the car came back with three of "his boys".  Peter went out to go over it with him and the three boys got threatening and were pulling stuff like the line for the two tone is in the wrong place.  (we document in writing such things, have it marked on a picture of a car and signed off on)  Peter just walked in and told me he could not deal with the three of them.

They gang walked to the front desk holding onto their pants to keep them around their knees and started to speak to me in Ebonics.  I stopped them mid word and ask the young man his name.  Sir, I told him, you do not own this car and I will not speak to anyone but the owner.  "Hey, lady, you can shout at him on my cell".  What, I am not going to shout at anyone!    His eyes rolled and he said he wanted to talk to me on the phone.  No, I won't talk to him on the phone.  Tell him to bring his car in person, period.  Have a good day.  To my surprise, out they walked......quietly! 

Before you think I am such a tough gal, the tip off is they probably have outstanding warrants.  If a shouting match begins and I call the police, they will be run for warrants and off to the big house.  So, if a argument is avoided quietly, there is a reason.  I am fine with that.

I recently got to know a wonderful customer who also teaches "Sociology" at a local University.  We began a discussion on what is the definition of "Normal"?  My brain nerve endings were enjoying the intellectual conversation and hope to have more of them with this fine man. 

It is always an interesting estimate when a squad car comes in.  Recenty, a officer brought his car in to get an estimate on some damage and I was told one of my employees was out back hiding.  An adult man.  It was not long before he was picked up. 

I have been so busy upfront lately, I have missed the fun in the back.  I am fortunate that I now have a great crew and things are under control.  I do hear out breaks of laughter from time to time and am glad that they are enjoying each other.  I want to be part of the fun too, but sometimes it is more fun without the boss around. 

I recently started hearing a new word out of the various crew members describing a not so good place in body work that needed a little extra attention before paint.  It is now called a dippitydoo.  I kept hearing it and finally figured out it came from the painter Craig.  Cool.  They are all talking and smiling.  What more can Mom ask for.  Just, lets not have anymore dippitydoos! 

Heard a fight outside and saw the shop boss at the transmission place next door fighting with an employee.  Walked away.  Do not need a piece of that.  Heard a gunshot a block away when I was opening up the other day.  Only heard one shot, so I opened up.  Do not know what to think of this world I now live in.  I need to have more talks with my sociologist friend and my God to try to understand.  We have been doing 30+ cars a week and only about once a week or two do I get a crazy acting individual.  Means, we are doing better and getting a better group of customers.  We still find a lot to laugh about.  Like the man who was dressed with enough bling to add 50 pounds to him.  Needed his car fixed while he waited as he was a very busy man getting his Masters!  Well, sir, we have to order a part to fix your car and that part won't be here until tomorrow.  Whoa, was he mad.  How does someone not understand that concept and be getting a masters degree????

God Bless everyone and never stop smiling.  Shangri la

Who Needs Help Counting Money???

Gentle, most beloved readers of Body Shop Life,  welcome to my Friday Night.  It is 45 minutes after closing and I sit here waiting on a body man to finish priming some work.  What a week.  My last customer was picking up a car in a two tone finish, the local gangster type.  (No offense, I just love gangsters, really)  He owed over 3 grand waited until 20 minutes after closing to decide to pay for and take his car and was to high to count his money.  He had a wad of $100s to choke a dinosaur and was counting out 5 at at time and repeating this act over and over.  I asked him if he need help counting AND that was the wrong thing to say!  So, we waited.  Money paid, two tone gone.

It was cooler this week than in the last few and there seemed to be Man Drama galore!  They were happy campers when it was too hot to bicker, but as soon as it cooled off, pissing matches began.  To be discussed in depth later.....

A young man who was arrested, (pinched) and did not call in or report to work for a week, was replaced.  His girlfriend called to tell me she was tired of his not being responsible and so was I by the way.  She stated she was not bailing him out and did not know when he would be back.  I replaced him, as any business person would.  Now I have seven pages to fill out as to why he should not get unemployment.  What do these people think???

Body man gone, I am going home to a shower and early to bed.  I hope all of you have a better Friday night than I, we do.  All my guys are pooped and all of you have cars back.  Party on customers.  Love to all and God Bless, Shangri La 

I hear the train a'comin.....it's rolling round the bend......

Gentle Body Shop readers,

I learned and wish to share what the judicial system does for us small, honest business folks.  Monday I sat in court for four hours waiting for the case of the state vs. Taj Dumbey to be heard.  Dumbey was charged with writing a bad check, for $196.54, three years ago, to me.  I was new, and not the seasoned hard broad I am now.  It was against our policy to take any personal checks, but my daughter-in-law, Abby, had a weak moment.  Her weak moment resulted in hours of time, my time, to right a wrong. 

I went to the police department with all the documentation of the crime.  They gave me extensive amount of forms to fill out, the task of writing and sending a certified letter.  At that point, it was limbo.  Well, now what guys???  go get him!   Not. 

I called and called, I went to his bank three times, all to no avail.  I for some reason kept the paperwork in my desk drawer probably to insure no one ever has a moment of kindness again. 

Three years later, Drake, my estimator, came to me and said Hamington County Court House is on the phone for you.  k...........   Yes, I remember and YES, he still owes me the money.  ok, bye.

A week later an kindly gentleman walked into my office with a subpoena and to be funny, waved a pair of handcuffs at me.  Ok, there was a court date for the State vs. Taj Dumbey and I was to appear as a witness againse said criminal.  Well, this should be interesting.  I pulled the three year old paperwork out of my bottom desk drawer and put the date on my calendar. 

Now, I am thinking good old Taj is counting on my not showing after three years and how right I was.  That must happen often as the DA was just thrilled to see me.  Checked with me on the amount of the check, the cost of the Certified Letter and let's throw in the bank charge for good measure.  Total:  $235.00. 

I sat through 4 hours of criminal cases of all kinds waiting for my moment to tell Mr. Dumbey how he needed to change his ways!  I sat there for justice, not the money.  During this time, I saw a lot of the lowest of humanity.  By the way, DO NOT fall asleep in a hospital room, you may wake up and find a foul mouthed old man going through your things.  He got 4 months in jail, three for trespassing and one for his foul mouth.

As it got close to lunch time, Mr. Dumbey's state appointed attorney finally showed up.  Mr. Dumbey's loving girlfriend approached me and told me they did not have enough money to pay the full amount and was it ok if I just took the $200 and they would call later with a credit card for they other $35.00?    WHAT!  hells NO!!!  Like, after this, I am going to believe that will happen?? 

Next thing I know, the state appointed attorney wants to talk to me.....who is Drake?.....He work for me, Why?????  (Shangri La is getting crabby.)  My client called and paid the $35 over the phone and I have the rest of the money.  Lady, what do you want me to do? 


Well, no I do not know where the DA went, How would I know and why are you asking me where she is??????  (really getting crabby).  Knowing what was coming, I went into the hall, called Drake, confirmed the payment.  Ok, now can .....we just have the trial and get this over soon. 



DA is now wanting me in the hall.  Who is Drake?  (not again)  I told her he took the payment.  She had the two hundred cash in her hand and said they are going to dismiss the charges and here is my money.  Well, how am I supposed to feel?  I told her I did not sit here all day for the money, I wanted to see justice served.  Everyone who lives an honest life wants to see that those who don't, pay for it in some way.  She said she understood, but that is the way it is.  I could leave now. 



It was anti-climatic and  a let down.  I did everything right and did get my money back, but where was the smack on the hand to let him know not to do that again?  He was looking like he felt sorry for himself because he had to pay me.  Oh, poor boy.  I left not sure how I felt about the justice system once again.  I got my money, but the bad guy got nothing to make him conside his behavior next time. 



NEVER, take a personal check from anyone EVER.  Too much time and work. 

I hope anyone who may read this NEVER has a weak moment of trust.  Learn from this experience.  It is sad, it is a penality to be paid by nice, honest people so we don't get taken by the crooks of the world.
 

With that, I will say Bon Nuite Mon Cheri's.  Amore, Shangri La

ANCHORS AWAY!!!

Good Sunday Morning Most Beloved Gentle Readers,

I am going to share an experience of a more personal nature as no one is looking right now.  This is why I have no personal life, work is safer.

My man and I had decided to go fishing.  He "said" he was an avid fisher!  I am too.  We got to the lake and he was looking for a spot to fish from shore.  Oh no way! said I, we need a boat!  Alright, he said.  All that was left to rent were canoes.  No Problem said I.  OK said he.  We got in, the guy gave us life jackets, I said I was a fish and did not need mine.....ok........ said he slowly.  My first concern was when I saw from the back that he was not holding the paddle right, nor paddling correctly.  Must be out of practice I thought. 

We fished for a while, then decided to paddle to another part of the lake.....so we did and dropped anchor. 

As he was standing up, STANDING UP!!!  NO.......we were going over so fast I could not scream, "SIT DOWN".  I just grabbed my sunglasses as we hit the water.  I was holding the tackle box near the canoe full of water and came up laughing and enjoying being wet.   He came up gasping for air, tangled up in the anchor rope and M...A...D....  Well,. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE COULD NOT SWIM!!  AND HOW WAS I SUPPOSED  to know he had never been in a canoe before and did not know not to  NOT EVER STAND UP IN A CANOE.  I would have told him.....!!!  I held him up till he could breath, held on to the canoe and tackle box.  I swam for the things floating away while he held onto the hardly floating boat.  So with a very angry Cop in the water with me, (again, one would think he could swim)  a ruined cop radio, and completely done for cop phone, I just waved my hands for help. 

A nice man in a fishing boat helped me get him in his boat and we drug the canoe to a boat slip.  Now adreneline took me over and all I could think of was if we did not get back into the boat and fish more, we never would again.

I jumped out of the canoe and started to dump the water out and appairently did not notice him sitting in the canoe.  my bad.  I dumped him into the water as well while he was yelling wait, wait, WAIT.  As he was sitting up to his waist in the water, again, I told him, "Honey, get out of the water!". 

He said people on the dock were watching agast and he just hung his head and put his hands up in the air.  I managed to throw everthing in the canoe again and did notice the phone and radio were dead.  Being the nice man he was, he sat in the canoe again, all wet and I paddled out to the danger zone again while he had a strong rum and coke to settle his nerves.  As all managed to settle down, we did catch a couple of fish.  I had a big one who broke the line.  Of course, the big one got away. 

I still hear about the sunglass and really nice fishing pole and reel he lost...I am told firmly that there will never be a canoe in our future no matter what....but we will see.

May you catch fish, always have sun and stay dry all your days.  "A BAD DAY FISHING IS BETTER THAN A GOOD DAY AT WORK"....??????  you decide. 

Bon jour mon ami.   shangri la

"YOU CAN'T PISS ON...... WHAT YOU CAN'T CATCH"

Gilbert (1983 - )   (his insight on his vehicle)

Good Morning gentle readers, fans of Body Shop Humor,  I have slept in a little and have decided to unload my psychie before I go to work.  (I am best in the AM)

Yesterday, I had brought a bottle of old fashioned soda to work, note the word "Old Fashioned".  Sounded good to me in the heat.  Behold! the Old Fashioned Soda had an old fashened bottle cap on it.  I walked into the office and asked my under 30, but very mature employee if he had a Church Key.....My reply was a bewildered look and the answer, "I don't go to church".  If you are close to my age, you will understand that one.

We have had some very good weeks.  There seems to be very little drama going on anywhere and the cars are getting done, customers happy and wow, it only took 4 years to get here. 

I have an employee taking a couple days off to go to a family reunion and told me they plan to come back married.  I am still thinking about that one.......Speaking of, it is hot in the back, not pleasant to work so hard, but are doing great and actually smiling.  We frequently have dueling radios going on, laughter and an occasional temper tantrum from a young man who has no clue about work. 

Work:  dude, I am renting your behavior, so do as you are told in something other than slow motion.  If it was fun why would I pay you.  Then another temper tantrum in front of the boss and fellow employees - not cool, kiddo.  Now he wants a raise.  What he is going to get is a review.  I will outline on paper what working in the real world means.  What he needs to change if he ever wants to support his family.  He is nice, otherwise he would be gone.  He seems smart but worldly stupid.  Pampered comes to mind.  He will get one last try of advice or won't make it. 

FYI, to all.....when you are told how to or what to do at work, it means every time you do that task, not just the one time.  When you are told every time to do something or you do not do it, you will be considered STUPID.

We had a customer blow up over a very tiny, stupid issue in the parking lot and threaten one of my employees and actually almost hit him.  They, hubby and wife were told to leave or I would call the police and that I would do nothing for anyone who acts like that.  The wife came in the next morning and apologized.   Again, what is wrong with people who think they have the right to abuse another human being for any reason.  I think I see more of it in this city than anywhere else in the country.  I am working on an analysis of society in my head, reading some books on cavemen to try to understand how to cope with people here.  Perhaps, I will share my findings someday.

A regular customer, a very nice young man, who has little boo boos, yet chooses to keep his car pristine, came in for a few scratches.  He and I have talked often and he knows I am from Indy.  We are both Colt fans,  (no comments please on that)  He gave,  GAVE me two of his season tickets to a game in Sept and refused to let me pay him for them.  I was speechless.  All my faith in humanity flooding back into my body at once.  Wow.  Thank you, not just for the tickets my friend, but for what the gesture did for me. 

I have settled down with a nice man after several years and suddenly very nice handsome men are chatting me up everywhere.   I discussed this with one of my employees and he agreed with this common situation.  He said, "whenever I have a girlfriend, I am beating them off with a stick, if I do not have a girl friend, I cannot BUY one."  honk if you agree.

Speaking of, this has been the week of  LOVELY Ladies with beautiful European accents coming in and hitting on, I mean hitting on my men estimators.  Inviting them over for a swim, asking for their phone numbers.......Times have changed.....and I guess European women are bolder. 

I used to have all gals up front now I have two Men.  Nothing has been by design, but one can sure watch the difference.  Here comes another analysis and book.

Time to head to the office and put out fires.  God Bless all!    Bon Jour, Shangri La

Range Rover Land Rover Why me???

Hello, Hello, Hello, gentle readers!  It is Friday night, I am home and into my second medicinal liquid medication.  It has been quite a week. 

Where do I begin, lets start with the Mustang.  This Mustang was dropped off to be painted,  only.  Right off the bat, it would not start or move.  The owner spend Sat and Sunday in my lot working on it.  Still would not start.  We pushed it into the body dept, repaired it, pushed it into the booth, painted it and called the customer who brought a tow to pick it up.  He was so sorry, he gave me a hefty gift cert to Red Lobster.  Now, I have a Range Rover, known for the pain in the ass security system that we have not been able to start.  I tried everything, including driving to the dealer and having new batteries put in her key.  Well, the whold thing is my fault and she is very angry.  Tell, me what is the difference so I can handle these people. 

My estimator, Nate, is quite the magnet to the ladies.  They love him and he is good with them.  Professional and willing to let the old gals give him the hug they always want.  That part is going well. 

I want to share with you my experience with a taxi cab guy.  This man, new to the taxi biz, came in with a crayon he wanted me to paint his car!!  After a call from the city, we got approval on a paint code.  We painted his first car and he was happy.  The second car, needed a little work, my estimator told him he needed a new hood, or work as it was not going to turn out too well. All was documented.  he did not want to pay for any work, just paint, so just paint he got.  My painter worked in the booth for quite a while to try to counter act the reactions, and got them to the minimun.  So, Crayon guy came in and was so angry that he was shaking.  He stated that he told my estimator that there was problems and just because he refused to pay for repairs, we should have done them anyway.  Dude!!!  No!  You get what you pay for and more from my shop.  It turned into quite a shouting match, and when he told me, Lynn, your are pissing me off, I started to laugh and said hey man, you are not making my day!  OY!!!!  Told the crayon guy, pay his bill and leave!  He did.  being new to the taxi biz, he did not know his car would be beat up in 3 weeks. 

I am tired and have so much personal insights that I would like to share, but I am trying to keep this reading blog a documentation of the business.  I got a gift from another customer today, but I am so unhappy about the range rover......that is stupid to just retain the negative  and not the positive.  I had an appointment with the FP police today, but was canceled due to shootings.  Well, I guess I have to believe in the fact that I am not the most important person in town.  Duh. 

I am still in business after almost 4 years and I guess that has beaten the odds.  We will continue to see how it goes.  Thank you for listening to my insane experiences which keeps me sane to share.  Bon Nuit.  Mon Ami.  Shangri La!

All The World Is A Stage!

Beloved and Gentle Readers, Mon Ami and BFF, Bon Jour, It is Sunday Morning, sitting in bed sipping coffee, does it get any better?  It has been a good week.....

WEBSTERS:

"good week"  {any week that Shangri La does not cry, run through the shop and falls, tells customers their car was a piece of crap before it came in, stomp her feet and/or crawl under her desk and pretend she is in the Bahamas.}

So, I guess it was good, but that does not mean it was not entertaining.

All my bragging that I was so good at fixing things, came back on me when one of the compressors stopped.  Dave Durango to the rescue and I swear he laughs every time he is looking at my compressors.This time, I am lamenting about the oil leak that seemed to sprout everywhere on the back engine.  Dave opened a box and it was full of oil.  Every part of the engine was full of oil as I had oiled it to death.  That sweet man with the Fabio hair, looked at me and told me he would give me a freebee!  He drained the (over) oil, cleaned the whole thing and it works sweet again.  I am just a little smarter now.  (Just a little)

It seems like cars come in, in groups.  This has been mustang month.  We have finished our 6th mustang this month and it looks to die for.  The kid will be thrilled.  Now we have one in the parking lot to paint and it won's budge.  The owner was in the lot putting a new fuel pump in it when I left Saturday afternoon.  I usually do not let people work on their cars in the lot, but he was such a nice guy.  We will see if they get it running.  I am glad we do bodywork and not mechanics.  A lot less for me to learn.

I have done an insurance repair for a lady.  Friends, once you smack your car a good one, it will be fixed and usually perfect, but it will never line up 100% again.  There will be small, very small tell tale gaps that an educated eye can tell it had been wrecked.  That is just the ways it is.  Well this lady wants a perfect car again, (she should buy a new one) and is complaining about a 16th inch gap.  I am calling her ins. co. on Monday and let them decide.  I am not letting customers dictate to me such stuff.  She stood there and called it a "safety hazard"!  I took all body men out to look at the car and they laughed.  I actually told the lady, "stop arguing with me".  I think she was so surprised, she shut up.

PEOPLE, DO NOT GO AND BUY A RATTLE CAN OF ANY KIND OF PAINT AND PAINT YOUR CAR....DO NOT ROLL HOUSE PAINT ON YOUR CAR....(SAW THAT ON A JAG, SOMEONE WANTED TO TWO TONE IT, DO NOT ATTACH PARTS TO THE CAR WITH BATHROOM CALK.  TO NOT FIX DENTS WITH WALL PLASTER!

There, I have said it, some of you are now laughing, but I have seen it all and more.  All my love to you all, dive carefully and if not, come into see me before you attempt it yourself.

Have a blessed Sunday, Mon Ami....Shangri La

Just Another Friday Night without a Life

Gentle readers and most beloved,  it is almost 7:00 pm on a Friday night and I am still here sitting......sitting.....writing to you.   It has been quite a time the last few months.  I have great employees now and do little managing of egos.  So, no man drama to report.

I did have a customer come in, a Mr. Patures, with a Mustang he said he only wanted one color as he planned to sell it.  He even told my estimator how his breeding puppies died and he had to spend 20G to buy a new dog and could he pleeeeeeease have a discount.

When he picked up his BEAUTIFUL yellow mustang, he acted like it was a Wonderful job.  Then he called and told me over the phone, that he would make me the laughing stock of Cincinnati for the lousy job, (actually one of the best we have done) etc., etc.,...

He claimed he bought a new front bumper cover, actually, he bought the cheapest one one on the market, $39.00 and claimed we put his old one back on.  WELL....I went in the back of the shop and found his old bumper cover and it is sitting in my office.  We will see who is the laugh of the town.

My gentle readers, I do believe people do this as they believe they will get  money back.   I am not Kroger or Walmart!!!!  He tried to have Visa pull his money back.  They wouldn't because it was not his credit card, it was his girlfriends.  She said she would have nothing to do with being dishonest.  He then told Visa the paint was bubbling off his car.  Now this is a chemical impossibility, but  the woman from Visa was sending scathing emails saying his paint was bubbling off.  Yet, he refused to bring his car back.  He tried the BBB route next. 

I have a man threatening to sue me as we replaced his son's hood 8 weeks ago and it just flew up as he was driving the other night.  He claimed we had not shut it tight.  Of course, in his mind it is my fault. He parked it in my lot and left it refusing to get it and demanding I fix his car for free.  The fact that there was empty cans of radiator fluid and water bottles on his passenger front seat, may indicate that he opened the hood himself many times.  But!  no, no, no, his son, drug thug and childhood con artist and thief is telling the truth because he said he NEVER opened the hood.

I am waiting for that summons.  Why does the average Joe think a small business is capable of paying out large sums of money at their whim?????

I want to tell you about a fishing, canoe overturning event that happened, but am sworn to secrecy.  Well, if I knew he did not know canoeing, I would of told him ahead of time to not stand up, if I had known he could not swim, I would of not come up out of the water laughing.  It was a hot day and the dip did me good.  It seems that it was traumatic to my fishing partner who can only now laugh about it.

I am wearing a knee brace under my tight jeans now and my body man Timmy, pulls my pants leg down several times a day.  Most people find that funny, (Durango), but I find it a courtesy.  It is hot to wear a brace under jeans.  Yuk.

I used to have all girls up front and now I have all men.  It is quite a difference, I will go into that later.  I just try to stay out of some of the conversations.

I send out to all my gentle readers, God's blessings, bon nuit.  Mon amour.  Shangra La

Production, Personal cracks and skid marks

Gentle Readers,

It has been a while and so much has happened, it is a whirl.  Production.  We are a production facility as compared to a regular body shop.  I won't bore you with the meaning of that, but this week Gilbert, a bodyman and his wife had a baby on Tuesday and Les, my estimator had her baby on Wednesday.  They were down the hall from each other in the hospital.  Now that is production.

I had a painter who started out calling me "Honey".  Which if you knew anyone here, it is MISS SHANGRI LA!  He then proceeded to change everything and tell everyone, including me, what to do.  It went on for a while, and the first time someone said no to him, out he walked.  He was a pastor as well!  One thing he was, was not a good painter. So, there I was 45 cars and no painter.  After hitting the bottle, I got ads out and within two weeks have a great painter now. 

During those two weeks, lost money, compressor broke, jump box broke and garage door broke.  But, no Man Drama was going on. 

Man Drama:  (Websters)  Hissy fits, pissy moods, snotty behavior snappy, salty remarks brought on when an adult man does not get his way.  Can be accompanied by crying, complaining to the boss, paranoia and throwing things.  Can be seen most often in a body shop where only one person is creating the drama and it spreads.

None the less, I do not know how to handle man drama.  I refuse to listen to complaining for the sake of wining, deal with childish behavior or pat someone on the back daily. 

So, out walked the pastor.  We had a week and a half of re-do's, and 3 car days.  God blessed me with a painter who needed me as much as I needed him.  A great painter and an adult.

I am not spending as much time in the back as I used to, but I hear the stories and it seems like there is quite a bit of humor I am missing. 

A young man, proned toward behavior of the gang nature snuck in a couple of weeks ago.  I had the police throw him out the last time he was here.  I say "snuck" in as he came in, got an estimate and paid for the car when I was not here.  When he came to drop it off he was acting very cocky and when I finally asked him what he was doing I told him very nicely that I would refund his money, but he would have to go somewhere else.  Once again, all hell broke loose.  He wanted a piece of me and my off duty officer man stood between me and him while I called 911.  As usual, time when by before an officer showed up and then he let us know how the police feel about our shop.  This time, unbeknown to him, he was speaking to another officer and not one of my employees.  I have tried to speak to the police about this attitude in the past and been blown off and called a liar.  Now, Gentle Readers, it is on record.  I phoned my personal Lieutenant, (since they think I am such a pain, they gave me a personal officer)  I called him and told him what happened and it is the way I am treated often.  He said he would speak to the chief and get back to me.......3 weeks and waiting. 

It is not all bad, we did a car for a lovely lady who insisted on hugging everyone in the place each time she was in.  She seemed to brighten the room and I think everyone appreciated the hugs.  We did a 1960 something Beetle bug for a man who called today to just tell us that he loved it.  We do around 30 cars a week and call the police about once every three months, so that is not too bad. 

Someone tried to get in a door last night at 3 AM.  The alarm company called me, I did not get back to sleep, and the police were dispatched.  With the alarm blaring, of course they were gone by the time they got here.  They want to bill me for a false alarm....I do not think I will pay that bill.  Maybe they will arrest me and I can have a day off.

Dave Durango, the compressor man came yesterday to see why the compressor was not blowing as much air as needed to run the shop.  Dave stands there and says, can you see what is wrong?????   No, Dave.    Come on!  can't you see what is wrong????   No Dave.  He points to a pipe that is sticking up in the air that was attached to the compressor.  Oh that.   Yeaaaaaa, that.  So Mr. Durango fixed it and we had plenty of air. 

Customers continue to be interesting.  I had a guy pay a large bill in 20's and when I started to count the money, he threw more on the counter.  Bless his heart. 

Over and Out, Bon Nuite!  Shangri La

Money makes the word go around, the world go around.......

Good Morning Beloved readers, The first quarter of the year has gone by and it has gone by fast. There has been many new people to hire, train, give up on, fire...Every business book I have read says 50-50 and it is true. One man I interviewed, hired, started at 8 am, filled out all the paperework disappeared at 9 am. Nothing happened in that hour to cause him to leave! I do recall him saying he was on umemployment. Since I have NEVER been paid to not work, I cannot say I understand what that must feel like, but it must be powerful. Employment....a gifted young man who had been with me for 2.5 years, was #1 guy in the back and he walked out last week when I, just the owner, told him we were doing a taping thing the way we used to and not the way he had changed it to. Walked out the back door and left, no word to me, and never came back. Now I have to deal with months of paperwork regarding the unemployement he filed. Back in the day youngins, if the job got tough, we got tougher because the state did not pay us to quit everytime we wanted to. Now gentle readers, stretch your memory.....a young man brought a hoopdy to be painted and his attitude and mess of a contraption he called a vehicle caused me to tell Abby to not take it. The next morning it was there, we painted it and the owner threw such a fit when it was done we called the police... we also pulled a weapon out of his engine compartment. Well, he came in a few weeks ago, snuck past me and got an estimate and paid in advance for another hunk of junk. He came to drop it, I did not recognize his face, acting really punk, grinning at me took a new employee (3 days!) outside to help him pick a color. (kept asking my employee if he scared him) I finally went out and told him to drop the attitude and what did he want. He then informed me he had paid in advance and was dropping his junk on wheels. We went inside and I pulled up his estimate and recognized the name. I told him kindly that I would refund his money and he needed to take his car and leave. Just as before, all hell broke loose. The police finally got him out and the last I heard from banks all around town that he was trying to cash the check, but could not as the name he gave me was false and did not match any ID he had. There is a lesson in all of that for any punk wanna be's. We have been very busy and I have made many observations. Besides the fact that most people are serious crazy, money seem to be the most driving factor in everyone's behavior. Money, who can ever have enough. Bon Jour Mon Ami, Shangri La

I'LL BE YOUR HUCKELBERRY......

Bon jour beloved.

 Lately, the body shop has been an interesting mix of employee counseling and gun toting customers. I spent last Saturday working on paperwork and had two guys in the booths cleaning them.... I know my booths! I designed, paid for, named them, Paris and London.  And I have babied them and cared for the last three years. I know how I want them cleaned! So, in my klutziness way, (inherited from my daughter) I am in Paris showing them how to remove the grates and I fell into the pit!!! Not hurt but feeling high on the stupid scale. Jimmy Joe Bob was trying to help me out of the pit and fell in with me.

 Anyway, I was thrown out of the booth and the gentlemen completed their job.  The paint booths have pits in the concrete floor that is a large air duct.  With great power, the booth sucks air through the vent and filters it before it goes out of the building.  These are large concrete pits with grating over them.  There are filters that go into the grates to start the filtering process.  These are changed every morning, early and the booths are vacuumed.  Filters are very expensive but essential to keep the dust out of the paint on the car.  When I turn on the booths early in the morning, it sounds like a jet engine starting up.  They are very powerful and need to be respected.

It is Sunday and my God Given day of rest. I keep thinking about what I need to do at work. At work....At work......

The same Jimmy Joe Bob ran (accidentally) a customer car into another employee car and damaged the employee car. Now I have to sort out who, when how one employee pays another. I feel like Solomon. Of course, I had run a short errand. It seems to me that issues start while I am not there putting into me a paranoia about leaving.

Tuesday I, my attorney, an employee and others went to small claims court and proceeded to turn it into a trial. The psycho Mr. Shears, gets up and starts to tell his life story prompted by his attorney. My attorney 'OBJECTED' over and over. It went on, I painted the Accord that belonged to the really putrid Mr. Shears, the kind of self righteous person everyone loves to hate, for free.  I painted his car for FREE as an act of kindness and he still sued me!  The previous owner of the paint shop, painted his car years ago and he felt he should have it done again for free.  He was two years out of warranty.  He harassed me for a year and finally, I told him I was tired of hearing from him and would paint his car for free to get him to go on with his life. After it was painted, my employee shut the front drivers door of the 13 year old car and it did not open again. (I hate cars) I told my employees to leave it alone. I painted it for free, he can get his own door fixed.

The disgusting, low life Mr. Shears, sued me saying I broke his car door on purpose because I was mad about painting his car for free. I know so well that one good turn does NOT deserve anther.  He did it out of spite, breaking the law, attorney fees etc., etc., etc., saying I owe him several thousand dollars. COMPLETELY beyond belief! What is wrong with a mind who does that. So, trial went on and on. Judge announced she needed to think over the case and would get back to us. News for Shears, He may win, but I won't pay him. I will sit in jail if they make me, but won't pay him a penny. to be continued.........

I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth....Shangri La.

"SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A NUT, SOMETIMES, YOU F...ING DON'T"

Good evening beloved!! There comes a time in life where you experience the feeling of living in a sit-com and that reality is now on a plasma screen. Isn't that fun. They call it the new reality, I guess. As I sit here writing body shop stories, my friend sits next to me watching yet another sit-com. If you are a dear person who finds my humor as funny as I do, congratulations, you are not normal either.

To day, at work was like any other. I have been dogging my auto painter, Will, as I am convinced of something, not sure of what, but was out to prove it. I am sure he knew what I was up to half way through the day of peeking around paint booths at him, as he asked me if I wanted to go in the booth and observe him blow himself. (Oh, by the way, that means blowing the dust off with an air hose before painting a car, something I insist on.) I told him no, I just only wanted to know if he tacked the hose first. Ah Ha! I got him, he was NOT tacking the hose.

A gentleman, OG they are called, Old Gangsters, came in mean as a snake. Greetings were met with growls. My gentleman estimater was writing an estimate he requested and my radar went up. I heard him tell Leslie a blunt NO when she asked if he could move his car as a customer he was blocking in wanted to leave.

As he scowled through a magazine in my lobby, he stated if the stupid estimater would hurry, he would leave. I asked,.....Sir, may I move your car for you so this man may leave? "NO", SIR, if you will be so kind to let me borrow your keys, I will be happy to move your car for you, "NO." May I ask why?.?.? My sister is in the car, she can move it. Well by now, it was the tone, the turning of the pages of the magazine, the growls and the other people in the room gauking.....Sir, please take your car elsewhere......sir, I am telling you to take your car elsewhere, all in the room were frozen....SIR, I OWN THIS FACILITY AND I AM TELLING YOU....TO....TAKE YOUR CAR AND LEAVE! Finally, we were in combat, moments passed as all wondered what was to happen next. He slowly put down his magazine and walked out of the building. In the meantime, I was in the parking lot moving his car.

All back to normal for the moment.

We have had a pink jag for a couple of weeks. Mr. Jag is very picky, very, cannot smile either. He was complaining that there was a bump under the felt liner under the hood of his car started sometime after we worked on it last......ok......It is 25 degrees out, thankfully as we, Big Bear and I remove it, we find a wasp nest the size of a baseball. Now, how I managed to do that, I sure do not know. Well, Mr. Jag insisted we order him a new liner as it had wasp coodies on it. Price check, please. Mr. Jag, a new liner for your jag, from jag, is well over $200.00 and there is really nothing wrong with yours. Yes sir, it has wasp coodies on it. One expensive Jag part coming up.

OMG!!! Got to tell you about Chief Dorry of Abraham Heights. Abraham Heights Police Dept. has owed me $800. since last summer when I repaired two of their squad cars which ran into each other. I gave up on that money, but sent a letter to the Chief Dorry anyway, a few months ago regarding the past due bill. This is right out of Dr. Seuss. Leslie answered the phone at work and and a gentleman on the other end demanded my cell phone number stating who he was and that it was an emergency. Not sure of what to do, but completely used to crack-pot customers, she called my cell on the way to the bank, to give me his number telling me he wanted an emergency call back asap.....k....Sir, this is Shangra la returning your call..... Then I became involved in the most bizarre conversation I have ever had with an adult.

The Chief, questioned me on what the balance of the bill was that just came to his attention,,,,,, well sir, as you know I am not in my office and it is not in front of me, but as I recall it was around $800. "Yes, it is", he says, "I am looking at it." I also recall sending it a second time a few months ago. "Uh-Uh-m-m-ugh. Well, I just became aware of it today." Yes sir. "I need to explain a situation to you, as you are aware, the previous chief, the ACTING Chief, the previous Chief was not authorized to make these repairs and well the department is not even the same people when the ACTING Chief blah, blah, blah, excuse me, Chief Maurie, what you are trying to tell me is that you are not going to pay the bill. "No, not at all"......a complete repeat of the conversation began again till I said, Sir, again, what you are telling me is you feel that I have some responsibility or control in your department politics and since it is my fault, you are not going to pay your bill. Sir, if you are not going to pay the bill, just say it. "OF COURSE, the department is going to pay the bill, but YOU have to work that out with the officer who was the previous ACTING CHIEF."

(You piece of shit) Sir, may I say I have respect for the previous ACTING Chief and feel he was ACTING in the department's best interest when he was repairing the equipment and I find it slimy how you are using him to squirm out of your responsibility. "OH, Thank you, we cannot pay this bill, may I tell him he does not have to pay it either???"

Yes you may sir, but only if I can use that same lame excuse the next time I get stopped for speeding. (said in sarcasm) "Oh, of course you may, thank you again...........bye".........did that really just happen??? The clerk in the bank asked, "were you really talking to the police??? Lady you got balls!"

Good Night Bill, Good Night Andy, Good Night Gilbert and Good night Jesse. Bon Nuit, Shangra La.