Saturday, November 24, 2012

JUNK MAIL.................

Bon Jour Mon Ami!  It is all good, almost. 

We are over the four year mark.  Not bad for a small business in troubled times.  Just too much to do everyday.

Let me share with you my most recent thug.  I was running the back, dirty, cold and looking wild with the blond hair flying all over.  I had my borderline goth jewelery and nails on.  My manager, Peter came to get me saying there was nothing he could do with this one.  Gangster did not want to pay for his car.  I was in no mood. 

Me:     Dude, what is your problem?!
Him:   Why you come at me like that? 
Me:     Hey, pay your bill and we have no problem. 
Him:   No!
Me:     Then you cannot have your car,
Him:   Then I will take it,
Me:     Then I will put it inside,
Him:   Then I will steal it,
Me:     Then YOU will go to jail..........glaring at each other for several minutes. 

Arguing begins,  I won't argue, sir, (OMG, please pull up your pants)  You need to pay for your car or I will call the police.  You signed this form, it says the color you wanted all over it, if you wanted a different color, you should have said so then.  He leans over the counter to get in my face and growls, "I will dis God if I want Lady".  I think I was supposed to be scared but just started to laugh and told him, "DUDE, I do not want to be anywhere near your soul when your time comes!"  My employee in the back, Dan, keeps tapping on the window wanting to tell me something. 

Anyway, the police arrived, he paid and hid his face.  Means:  Warrant pending.  But police do not care, no one runs his name because I am the dreaded body shop who rips off all the local gangsters.  I will never get that reputation to go away.  Cop wants to know  why I was in talking to his lieutenant.....why should I tell him and how does he know who I talk to????  I noticed the officer stayed in the parking lot until the young man left.  I did appreciate that.

After everyone left, I asked Dan what he wanted...He wanted to warn me that he knew that guy and he was scary, appeared he had killed a girl once and was never was arrested.  Dan was watching out for me.   I appreciated that, but called the police boyfriend and he followed me home.  I believe, if they do not think they scare you, they will stop trying to be scary.  But, it does not hurt to take precautions.

Thug number two.  He is a really good guy, in reality though, very dangerous, but has been coming in for years, very respectful to me.   He brought in the worst hoopdy I have seen in a while.  My painter said if any one put his name on that car he would deny it.  It was purple and looked like it had the pox.  In comes my guy with two other younger guys.  The contact High from the  skunk weed was.......well, you had to be there.  They were so high, they were in the parking lot going "OOOOOOh....AWWWWWWW....Dude this is so cool. 

They paid, hugged me and left.  We all shared the contact high for an hour.  Lots of fun.

Don't get me wrong, we have had a lot of wonderful people, happy, etc.  One guy came in two days after he picked up and noticed his car was clean.  Wanted to know if he owed money for cleaning.  That was a first.  A truly nice man, but the guys had to tease and state he just wanted a "Bromance with Peter" .

We have a lot of new employees.  I am running the shop again, it is crazy fun.  We are having a half price sale.  I had enough a while back and told everyone I am not their Mom, Shrink or Bank.  I have become the typical jaded owner.  No more nonsense on my watch.  Andy Spumonie would be proud. 

Here's to all who own a small business in Ohio and have to deal with the State like I do.  I hate you government people!  I hope you all get yours someday.

Time to brave the cold and cut bushes.  I have not paid myself in three weeks so I have to do the lawn work at my home myself.  I guess that is not funny is it. Sorry.   I am trying to find it in me to laugh about all this again.  It is coming, I know it will be OK.  Happy Thanksgiving to all and lets start Monday and make some money!!!!!!!  Shangri La.