Body Shop, The Play, Scene One

SETTING:  the front office in a auto body shop in the mid west.  Several people are sitting waiting on estimates.  Two male estimators are waiting on customers.

SCENE OPENS:  Hazel (65 year old lady) is sitting with her friend Mildred (70 year old woman) waiting on an estimator.

Hazel:  Mildred!!!!  did you just see what I just saw?  (said with surprise and shock)

Mildred:  What?!?  No, I was reading this People magazine. What happened?

Hazel:  Oh Mildred, what is this world coming to???  Some people must really be brought up in a barn.  (Hazel shakes her head in disgust)

Mildred:   What?

Hazel:  That guy getting his estimate just went into that bathroom and took a tinkle with the door open!!!!!!   THE DOOR OPEN!  and he washed his hands and flushed and...oh shhhhh, here he comes.

Mildred:  You have GOT to be kidding me, Hazel.  That is just dirty!  Oh,  shhhh shhhh shhhh.

Scene closes:  Phones ring, shop owner walks out of her office laughing (she saw it too)  More customers walking in.  Life goes on in the body shop.


Shangri La

Somewhere over the rainbow........

Bon Jour Mon Amis.....I just have to let everyone know this one.

I have seen people repair their own cars with:  bathroom calk, wall plaster and paper towels and glue, but today we estimated painting a car that the owner did his own bodywork using CONCRETE.   How creative is that?!  But jeez, it looked like hell.  

Shangri La

"When I Drink Alone, I Prefer To Be By Myself"

George Thorogood



Bon Jour Body Shop Fans,  another late night and I have to refer to my post of 5/18/12, "Production, Personal Cracks and Skid Marks."  I have a different body man out back, yet my eyes are burning!  It must come with the territory, much like plumbing.  I mentioned it and Jake, my estimator said he noticed it too, thank God, I was worried I was getting nasty eyes.

I was the first one here and worked in the shop for 45 minutes till anyone else arrived.  I was so.....so.....mad, but I guess I had no real right to be.  Everyone seemed to see it and the day was productive. 

We have a car in shop that is owned by a complete lunatic.  I have asked everyone to hold their breath when they are in it as it may be contagious.   I have met doozies, but this guy is out there.  He left a 10 minute message on the office machine telling me, now bear in mind, I could only get about every 4th word, that he valued his privacy and since he gave us his personal info, address and phone, he had to change it all.  He kept repeating how inconsiderate we were to be so careless with his personal information which he valued so........it went on and on.  Address and phone number???

When he calls, I swear he is drunk, but when he comes in, he is the same.  Some would say, who am I to talk.

I have a couple of guys working late in the back, we are so busy now, it is a glorious thing.  It is a whole different kind of stress, but better than the "no business stress".

If you want a steak dinner, do not order a hamburger.  My mantra.  My new business rule...no Corvettes for less than $3500.  When a vet owner comes in and says he wants a cheap paint job, no one here had better ever again believe it.  We will  not talk to a Vet owner unless we are at the over three grand mark.  I just got rid of "Seth"  a vet owner who wanted it cheap, cheap, cheap.  We, none the less, gave him a high end service at half price, then the complaining began.  He wanted the ultra high end type of service, without the price tag.   By the time he fussed (I am being kind) with Corporate enough, we had to do the entire car over.  Actually, it looked no different at all, but he was happy because he got away with being a pain in the back side.  I made him sign a doc that said he would take what he got and not sue or complain ever again.  I am surprised he did that as I could have  caused him great regret.  But, some people you just want to go away.  SO! the rule is all vets start at over 3 grand.  Don't call me if you are a vet owner. They are universally jerks.

I have not had a knock down with anyone for a while, but it is coming as we are ramping up.  Peter has the patience of a saint and he is good at dealing with the kind of people who will try to run me over in the parking lot.  I don't miss those days, it was more fun with my son here.  I have a couple of cars that I block in at night as I know they will be "stolen" because I cannot get the owners to come in and pay for/pick up their hoopdies.

I am about 10 pounds over a size two and my boyfriend gave me diet pills for Valentines day.  I am going to ruminate on that for a few days before I form an opinion or shoot him.  Speaking of shooting,  last night, late, I heard noises in the shop and while I was walking the dark shop with my gun in my hand......I thought about the days I used to teach Sunday School.  I am not believing the life I am in.  It is a cruel joke and I have entered the Body Shop Zone.  I want to write children books and a sit com, but for now...a body shop blog.

Bon Nuit, mon ami.    Shangri La

Trust Not Him That Has Once Broken Faith.

William Shakespear



Bon Jour Mon Cheri'!  I trust everyone has had wonderful holidays and is now on their way to all forms of recovery.  I am.  Between, the election, Hurricane Sandy, the Holidays and the fiscal cliff......I about broke!  It was the perfect storm of economic disasters........

Now, we are full of cars and customers who do not understand why a dent cannot be repaired while they wait.  We need a Body Shop Drive Through.

I have so many stories, don't know where to begin.  My Gen. Manager found a child hiding in the parking lot at 8:00 in the morning.  He was seven and lost.  His mother had dropped him off at the bus stop on her way to work, but he had missed the bus.  So, he was trying to get into one of our cars to get warm.  It was nice to call the police for something other than a crazy person refusing to be civil.  The child and I talked and had a drink of water while we waited on the nice police man.

The guys are working late and I am writing to you.  Speaking of the guys, I have a NEW Bodyman.  His name is Michael and (don't tell him) he cracks me up.  I want him to focus on work and get things done and he wants to crack jokes.  (I'll have none of that)  He told a story of being a child and going to confession in Catholic School, back in the day, and telling the Priest, "Bless me father for I have sinned.......Father, I shot JR."  He insists on having a sense of humor even when I am running around like a mad woman.  I recently had new HVAC units installed in the shop area, much to everyone's delight, and I was at court the afternoon they were finishing and I heard he was telling the installers, they had better have it done by the time I got back, they did not know me, I was crazy......  I am not sure how to take him at times.  His work is good and I do not scare him, I guess I will keep him.

This is tax return season, so I am doing a lot of Gangster cars.  If you did not remember, my shop is in the hood.  Again, how did I end up here?  God has a plan and I do not need to know it, just keep up.

So far, both employees who have tried Workers Comp Scams have lost all their appeals.  It is a waiting game to see what happens next.  I got a lot of grey hair over these issues, and am tired of driving down town to court.

I love everyone as I am supposed to, but I am older.  I guess and do not get the dread locks and pants falling off.  (I am sounding like my mother)  I had a guy call the other day with an agenda.  He asked me questions, just to get mad and call me the c... word.  I hung up.  He called back and told me he was calling the corporate office and telling them I was a "C...".  I asked him if he needed the number.....  He hung up this time.  I wanted to *69 him and let him have it, but just walked out into the shop and grabbed a grinder and started to grind a car......much to the fret of Gilbert who was trying to repair the car.  Maybe body work is something I should learn to do before I grind a car.  It is the only thing I cannot do here, except paint, which I really do not want to do.....yet. 

I received an email from a gal I went to High School with, before most of you were born, and she told me I should publish these stories in a book.  Maybe someday.......

I am looking at my list of cars...each one is a story, some people are out to scam, some are sincerely in need of compassion, but you cannot tell the difference.  When you give you get everyone in town crying and wanting not to pay.  I cannot pay the bills as it is, what do I have to give, except a good job at a fair price.  Why is that not enough???

The government is a joke.  I have been to so many "court" things with workers comp and unemployment, and all they do is "IDIOT" stuff to decide how best to waste my money.  I actually have started to send the President emails complaining about this lunacy.  I am waiting on my response.  I am waiting, yes, you read that right.....for Homeland Security to come and get me.

I miss being a mom and a grandmother.  I wish I was a retired, married woman, but we all cannot be.  I continue to argue with, listen to, advise, yell at, pay 14 men.  What is a woman to do.  God Bless Everyone.  Especially, Jeanette,  who reminded me today why I am a Christian.  Love to The crazy Italian, my personal lieutenant, Gilbert, Durango and all my loved ones in this crazy sit com of life.    Bon nuit.  Shanghai La