"SOMETIMES YOU FEEL LIKE A NUT, SOMETIMES, YOU F...ING DON'T"

Good evening beloved!! There comes a time in life where you experience the feeling of living in a sit-com and that reality is now on a plasma screen. Isn't that fun. They call it the new reality, I guess. As I sit here writing body shop stories, my friend sits next to me watching yet another sit-com. If you are a dear person who finds my humor as funny as I do, congratulations, you are not normal either.

To day, at work was like any other. I have been dogging my auto painter, Will, as I am convinced of something, not sure of what, but was out to prove it. I am sure he knew what I was up to half way through the day of peeking around paint booths at him, as he asked me if I wanted to go in the booth and observe him blow himself. (Oh, by the way, that means blowing the dust off with an air hose before painting a car, something I insist on.) I told him no, I just only wanted to know if he tacked the hose first. Ah Ha! I got him, he was NOT tacking the hose.

A gentleman, OG they are called, Old Gangsters, came in mean as a snake. Greetings were met with growls. My gentleman estimater was writing an estimate he requested and my radar went up. I heard him tell Leslie a blunt NO when she asked if he could move his car as a customer he was blocking in wanted to leave.

As he scowled through a magazine in my lobby, he stated if the stupid estimater would hurry, he would leave. I asked,.....Sir, may I move your car for you so this man may leave? "NO", SIR, if you will be so kind to let me borrow your keys, I will be happy to move your car for you, "NO." May I ask why?.?.? My sister is in the car, she can move it. Well by now, it was the tone, the turning of the pages of the magazine, the growls and the other people in the room gauking.....Sir, please take your car elsewhere......sir, I am telling you to take your car elsewhere, all in the room were frozen....SIR, I OWN THIS FACILITY AND I AM TELLING YOU....TO....TAKE YOUR CAR AND LEAVE! Finally, we were in combat, moments passed as all wondered what was to happen next. He slowly put down his magazine and walked out of the building. In the meantime, I was in the parking lot moving his car.

All back to normal for the moment.

We have had a pink jag for a couple of weeks. Mr. Jag is very picky, very, cannot smile either. He was complaining that there was a bump under the felt liner under the hood of his car started sometime after we worked on it last......ok......It is 25 degrees out, thankfully as we, Big Bear and I remove it, we find a wasp nest the size of a baseball. Now, how I managed to do that, I sure do not know. Well, Mr. Jag insisted we order him a new liner as it had wasp coodies on it. Price check, please. Mr. Jag, a new liner for your jag, from jag, is well over $200.00 and there is really nothing wrong with yours. Yes sir, it has wasp coodies on it. One expensive Jag part coming up.

OMG!!! Got to tell you about Chief Dorry of Abraham Heights. Abraham Heights Police Dept. has owed me $800. since last summer when I repaired two of their squad cars which ran into each other. I gave up on that money, but sent a letter to the Chief Dorry anyway, a few months ago regarding the past due bill. This is right out of Dr. Seuss. Leslie answered the phone at work and and a gentleman on the other end demanded my cell phone number stating who he was and that it was an emergency. Not sure of what to do, but completely used to crack-pot customers, she called my cell on the way to the bank, to give me his number telling me he wanted an emergency call back asap.....k....Sir, this is Shangra la returning your call..... Then I became involved in the most bizarre conversation I have ever had with an adult.

The Chief, questioned me on what the balance of the bill was that just came to his attention,,,,,, well sir, as you know I am not in my office and it is not in front of me, but as I recall it was around $800. "Yes, it is", he says, "I am looking at it." I also recall sending it a second time a few months ago. "Uh-Uh-m-m-ugh. Well, I just became aware of it today." Yes sir. "I need to explain a situation to you, as you are aware, the previous chief, the ACTING Chief, the previous Chief was not authorized to make these repairs and well the department is not even the same people when the ACTING Chief blah, blah, blah, excuse me, Chief Maurie, what you are trying to tell me is that you are not going to pay the bill. "No, not at all"......a complete repeat of the conversation began again till I said, Sir, again, what you are telling me is you feel that I have some responsibility or control in your department politics and since it is my fault, you are not going to pay your bill. Sir, if you are not going to pay the bill, just say it. "OF COURSE, the department is going to pay the bill, but YOU have to work that out with the officer who was the previous ACTING CHIEF."

(You piece of shit) Sir, may I say I have respect for the previous ACTING Chief and feel he was ACTING in the department's best interest when he was repairing the equipment and I find it slimy how you are using him to squirm out of your responsibility. "OH, Thank you, we cannot pay this bill, may I tell him he does not have to pay it either???"

Yes you may sir, but only if I can use that same lame excuse the next time I get stopped for speeding. (said in sarcasm) "Oh, of course you may, thank you again...........bye".........did that really just happen??? The clerk in the bank asked, "were you really talking to the police??? Lady you got balls!"

Good Night Bill, Good Night Andy, Good Night Gilbert and Good night Jesse. Bon Nuit, Shangra La.